We were so excited to have Credentialed Parent Educator Linda Krenicky speak at our Wednesday MOPS group last week! Linda prepared several activities to help us really see the world from the perspective of our children, along with providing very practical tips to help us implement the Positive Discipline approach in our own lives.
Here are some of the things Linda shared with us about Positive Discipline:
At its core, Positive Discipline is based on the premise of helping our children feel a sense of connection, belonging, and significance. The approach taps into a child's innate desire to feel important (connected, equal) to provide effective conflict-resolving strategies for parents.
Positive Discipline discourages the use of traditional punishments (and rewards!). Rather, it is based instead upon the idea that at their core, children want to feel connected to and valued; children that have a sense of belonging and significance are more likely to engage in desirable behaviors.
She also shared with us some practical strategies for implementing the Positive Discipline approach at home, even with young children, using small-group exercises to help reinforce to us how powerful these strategies can be:
1. Tell children what to do, rather than focusing on the "dont's." We all talk to our children with "don't" language: "don't hit your sister," "don't throw toys," "don't drag your blanket on the floor." For all children (and even moreso for young children), this way of phrasing can be confusing, since our children have to reason for themselves what they should be doing instead. As parents, we can make these instant commands easier for our children by telling them explicitly what behaviors we want instead: "gentle touches on your sister," "put your toys nicely in the box," "carry your blanket a little higher so it doesn't get dirty."
2. Consider your child's perspective. Moms are busy, and when we looked at the world from the view of our children, keeping up was tiring! The advice here was to really think from our child's perspective about what we are asking them to do, and come up with a plan that meets their needs and ours. As an example, some errands have to be done... but maybe we can allot a little more time so our children aren't rushed, and put off some of the errands for another day so that we aren't filling the entire day.
3. Say "no" without saying "no." Linda provided us with an entire handout on this topic with concrete examples, but some ways of saying "no" without saying "no" include distraction ("Let's go play in the playroom instead"), limited options ("Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the brown one?"), and calmly restating rules ("We don't have outside time until after lunch.")
4. Encourage your child's desire to be autonomous. If our children want to do a task themselves, how can we encourage this? Example suggestions could include alloting extra time, taking turns with your child, and letting the child take responsibility for part of the task. Our goal is to let our children experience pride from accomplishing a task, and letting that feeling of significance be its own reward, so that our children grow up feeling capable.
5. Encourage your child's desire to contribute. Many of us, even those with young children, have noticed that our children are asking to help. This is a great opportunity to help our children feel a sense of connection, belonging, and significance! Let the child help with part of the task, and resist the temptation to go behind and redo the child's work. Let your child see that his work is good enough for you, and thank your child for the help.
Linda showed us that Positive Discipline is about helping our children feel valued and respected, and gave us practical tools to help us be kind and firm at the same time. You can learn more about Positive Discipline on Linda's website and in her newsletters!
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