Many of you joined us for an enlightening and helpful discussion on managing Mommy Anger with Teresa Drake in December. For those of you who couldn't make it, here are the highlights of this extremely informative and helpful session! Thank you to Sandy Hoag for preparing this summary!
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What do toddlers, barking dogs, and teenagers have in common? A tendency to do the unexpected and to be hard to control. In my world, that leads to frustration and anger. So how do we deal with things or people we can't control?
Teresa Drake, our December MOPS speaker, says it begins with our expectations of the situation or the person. For example, if we have an expectation that our houses should always be clean and tidy, then during the chaos of the baby and toddler years, we may be frustrated and angry with our messy homes. But if we change our expectations about this season of life, we can become more relaxed and peaceful moms.
Or as another example, if we have an expectation that our husbands should do specific chores around the home because our fathers did, then we will be disappointed when those things don't get done or he doesn't “get it”. To deal with this expectation, we can openly talk with our husbands and discuss what needs to be done. Often they will be happy to help out if we will just ask kindly. But dealing with a problem in the moment of anger is probably not best. At those times, we need to take a step back and perhaps a “time out” to allow ourselves to regroup and think.
Teresa gave us a worksheet and suggested that we keep a journal to help us capture and think through those frustrating moments. She gave us many real examples from her own journey through anger management to help us see options for dealing with our anger. In addition, she gave us some guidelines on what to expect from our children at different stages of development. Those will help us have appropriate expectations of our kids and be more able to connect with them as they go through their own phases.
Anger is not just how we can react to situations; it's also an emotion we are modeling for our children. Anger in itself is not wrong. It's a God-given signal for us to think or act. But if we react inappropriately, it may harm the loved ones we were meant to nurture and connect with. So we need to analyze our own expectations and what may be triggering us to react more strongly than desired. Then we can become more competent and encouraging moms.
For more insights and help in dealing with anger and other bits of wisdom, see Teresa's web site at www.teresadrake.com. Thanks Teresa for being so vulnerable and helpful with this critical topic!
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